64 Suggestions for Bar Customers

Sharing public space is something a lot of humans don't do well. When you throw alcohol into the mix, a lot of people really suck at it.

Patrick Maguire, compiled this list based on his personal experience from 33+ years of drinking and dining at the bar. Plus bartending experience (dives to fine dining) scattered over 10 years from 1982-1992 and conversations with thousands of bartenders, servers, restaurant industry workers and customers.

Here's the List...

1. Research the bar/restaurant before you go. Consult with several online resources to determine whether or not a place is a good fit. You'll improve your experience by knowing what to expect and what questions to ask when you go. (Email me if you need Boston recommendations.)
2. If all of the barstools are occupied, ask the bartender or host if there’s a waitlist for bar seats. You'll avoid jockeying for position and the mad scrum when a seat opens up. Don't argue with a bartender who tells you that the barstools you're trying to claim are for someone who has been waiting longer than you. Don't tell a bartender that the person who vacated a stool promised it to you.
3. Never move barstools without asking. Barstool positions are often numbered for the bar staff and food runners.
4. Acknowledge and greet the bartender, or reciprocate her welcome with a simple greeting. Don't ignore a welcome or blurt what you need in response to a bartender's greeting. (This is still an epidemic, and it's rude.)
5. Let the bartender know if you’re saving seats for friends who will be joining you for dinner. Find out what the house rules are. The bartender will often put out placemats and water to save seats if your friends won't be long. Don't hoard seats in a busy bar knowing your friends will be a while.
6. Look at the taps and bottled beers lined up behind the bar or ask for a list before asking, What kind of beer do you have? Don't expect a bartender to recite 30 beers on draft and 40 in a bottle, especially in a crowded bar.
7. Don't ask a bartender you don't know, What should I get?, or What's good? If you're looking for direction, communicate your preferences and be specific with your questions.
8. Never say, Can I have a Bud, Bud?, I don't need sugar, I'm sweet enough, Tell me a joke, or any of the other hokey, clichéd lines that bartenders have heard more than they care to remember. Seriously, where do these people come from???
9. Introduce yourself and learn your bartender's name. Discretely using a bartender's name makes the interaction more respectful and human. But, never shout the bartender’s name down the bar to get his attention.
10. Seek your bartender’s opinion and guidance regarding the menu, wine and cocktails. Professional servers are proud to share their knowledge with you and show you a great time. Be open to their input.
11. If you're standing behind someone sitting on a barstool, don't hang your coat, bag or anything on the stool without asking.
12. If you're standing in the bar area, be aware that the folks seated at the bar need space too, particularly if they are eating. It's annoying for a seated customer to get bumped repeatedly by people standing behind or around them.
13. When walking through a crowded bar, don't push your way through. You’re not playing rugby. Say Excuse me or Pardon me before you proceed. In a noisy bar, a light touch on the shoulder, along with Excuse me, or Can I sneak by, please?, works better than pushing. Conversely, if someone is trying to get by you, accommodate them. There's no need for a curt, snarky, Sorry in response to a polite, Excuse me when someone is trying to get by.
14. If you leave your stuff on the barstool next to you, don't make noises and get upset about requests to move your belongings when the bar starts to fill up.
15. If you enter a relatively empty bar, don't sit right next to customers who might be enjoying some privacy. At least leave a few stools between you. (I'll never understand why people crowd each other. Whether it's the gym locker room, a sidewalk, public transportation or a bar, give each other some personal space.)
16. If you're sitting at a bar with an open stool on either side of you, and someone asks you to move down so they can sit together, do it without sighing or making a big deal of it. Even if you're in the middle of dinner, it only takes a moment to slide one stool. Better yet, offer before the guest or bartender asks you to. It will put everyone at ease. And, no, neither the party you accommodated nor the bartender owes you a drink because you cooperated. You might get one, but don't expect it or ask for one.
17. Keep in mind that you have almost as much to do with the success of the interaction as the bartender does. Treat all members of the staff and other customers with civility, respect, and common courtesy. Great service is a participatory sport.
18. Bars are communal tables. Don't freak out if someone tells you your dinner looks good, asks what you've ordered, or attempts to make polite conversation. Some things go with the territory when you're at the bar.
19. Take a hint if people don't want to talk with you or if they are involved in a private conversation. If your repeated advances are met with, I’m sorry, but I haven't seen my friend in 2 years and we would really appreciate it if you would respect our privacy, that means they don't want to talk to you. It doesn't mean be persistent. Move on.
20. When you’re standing and trying to order drinks at a packed bar, politely alert the seated guests so they can accommodate you. Hopefully they'll yield some space, (passing drinks and money if necessary), but never push in between two seated customers and start passing drinks over and around the heads of other guests. It's obnoxious. If you are the seated guest and someone is trying order drinks from behind you, help a brother or sister out. Don’t ignore them.
21. Standing customers should not reach between seated guests and place empty glasses on the bar on the bar next to them. If you're placing an empty glass and trash on the bar, excuse yourself, and be sure to push it all the way forward away from guests and within easy reaching distance of the bartender. It's not the responsibility of folks seated at the bar to handle your garbage. Most people will help you, but it's rude to push through, drop your glass or beer bottle near a guest’s elbow and run.
22. If you're going to be ordering multiple rounds in a crowded bar, tip generously on the first round. The bartender won't forget you the next time you're ready to order.
23. Don't be rude when you're trying to get the bartender's attention. Eye contact, a raised finger, pushing your empty glass closer to the bartender, holding up a bill while standing, Excuse me, Pardon me, and, When you have a moment please, all work well. The following are off-limits; Yelling barkeep, barmaid, cheesy nicknames (Captain, Kid, Tiger, Chief, Big guy, Champ, Sport, etc.), Hey, Gimmee, Get me, followed by anything; rattling your empty glass on the bar or snapping your fingers. Flagging is for cabs and whistling is for dogs. Simple rules even cavemen should know…
24. Don't order an obscure drink that you had during Spring Break, on a cruise, in a foreign country, or on a tropical island several years ago and then ask, What kind of bartender are you?, when the bartender doesn't know what's in the drink. She's probably the kind of bartender who doesn't like you…
25. Respect the fact that restaurants and bars can't accommodate every single request about room temperature, music, inventory of beers and liquor, special food orders, etc. (I witnessed a customer complaining to a manager about the cold air whenever guests went out an “emergency only” exit that had a sign on it asking guests to use the main door. After bitching her entire meal, she proceeded to use the same emergency exit when she left…)
26. Remember where you are, and don't put the bartender or other customers in an awkward position by making unrealistic demands. For example, a Bostonian staying in a New York hotel cannot expect the bartender in the hotel bar to show a regular-season Celtics or Bruins game during a Yankees World Series. I'm staying in the hotel doesn't carry more weight than the majority of fans who want to watch the World Series.
27. Never ask the dreaded, insulting questions, Is this your real job? or, What else do you do? Believe me, the job is real.
28. Don't stare at other customers. I was a regular at a bar where the staff dubbed a frequent customer, "The Listener" because she would stare and lean in to eavesdrop on conversations. (Bartenders, please comment on some of the great nicknames you have for guests.)
29. Be discreet when you are talking about other bar customers. It’s rude to repeatedly look at someone, then look back at your dining companion and whisper.
30. When it's your turn, be ready to order and pay, especially in a busy bar.
31. Excuse me, Please and Thank you. It’s not that hard.
32. Don't block the service station where waiters and waitresses pick up their drinks. If a bartender encourages you to come to the service station to pick up a drink, make way for servers trying to do their job.
33. Don't chomp on gum, snap your gum, or blow bubbles at the bar. Chewing gum is tacky and trashy.
34. Don't chew on toothpicks or long stir sticks or straws, letting the end dangle out of your mouth in circles. It's gross. (I saw this at the bar in one of Boston’s best steak houses.)
35. Don't twirl your hair, pick your teeth, ears, face, skin or any other part of your body. Don't be hygienically inappropriate, period.
36. Bringing in beverages from outside of the restaurant is a no-no.
37. Don't lean over and read another customer's book, magazine or paper while they're reading at the bar. It’s creepy.
38. Respect local traditions, zoning & licensing laws, and house rules. Bartenders don't make all of the laws and rules that they have to follow. Just because you allow your underage child to drink in your home, doesn't mean a bartender will look the other way. The guy on the stool next to you might be a spotter or work for the liquor commission.
39. Don't bore your bartender with your life’s story and monopolize his time when he's busy. Cut to the chase.
40. Don't be that loud guy. Yelling and slamming the bar like a hockey player pounding the boards after a goal, is juvenile. The rest of the bar is not amused.
41. Don't be that annoying woman with the shrill, high-pitched, piercing laugh. Everyone wants you to have fun, but you're making enemies all around you.
42. Don't reach over the bar without permission. (Yes, there are people who still think it's ok to eat olives out of the garnish trays.)
43. If you're temporarily leaving your stool for any reason, let the bartender and/or your neighbor know. Put a coaster or bar napkin over the top of your drink to save your seat. If you know your neighbor is returning, alert customers who try to take their barstool. You'd want them to save yours.
44. Stay within your space in your barstool. Be aware and respectful of your neighbor's space and others around you. That includes backpacks, bags and coats hanging off your stool, as well as elbows and hair tossing.
45. Don't ask, Why don't we get one?, loud enough for everyone to hear when a bartender announces something is on-the-house to someone sitting next to you. There’s a reason why they’re getting a complimentary treat and it’s none of your business.
46. If you want the benefits of being a regular in a restaurant or bar, earn them. (This will be covered in future posts and in my book.)
47. If you have a nice rapport with the bartender and are pleased with the service, offer him or her a taste your bottle of wine. Bartenders don't always get to taste all of the wines on their lists, especially expensive bottles. You'll be helping them gain more wine knowledge, and you'll be one step closer to becoming a regular. Showing your appreciation for good service is not always about money.
48. Don't bully barbacks, food runners or support staff. Don't embarrass them if they can't get you a drink, get change from the cash register, or perform any functions beyond their scope.
49. If you have a concern or problem, communicate it in a timely fashion to the bartender and/or a manger so they can work with you to correct it. They can't fix what they don't know. Don't storm out without giving the establishment a chance to make things right.
50. If you witness someone being abusive or inappropriate to the staff or other customers, speak up, or at least alert staff or management. According to my research, one out of every five customers is impolite, disrespectful or downright rude. Don't be one of them.
51. Sharing your personal issues (especially quarrels between couples) with the rest of the bar makes everyone uncomfortable. Remember that you're sharing space with other people. Be aware of your volume.
52. Crying and drama: not at the bar. If a situation escalates, take it outside or take it home.
53. Cell phones at the bar; added for emphasis only. Do I really need to elaborate?
54. Police your own crowd if they're being jerks. Your fellow diners, the bartender, and the entire staff will really appreciate the help.
55. Couples: don't suck face and maul each other at the bar. It's tacky and awkward for everyone. You're humiliating yourself and embarrassing your whole family.
56. Don't linger forever after you've paid your bill whenyou know people are waiting for barstools.
57. If you’re sitting at the bar waiting for a table and your reservation will be coming up shortly, offer your bar seats to guests who are waiting to dine at the bar.
58. If you're heading into the dining room after drinks at the bar, pay and tip the bartender before going to dinner. When you transfer the tab, the bartender usually loses.
59. When tipping, use 20% of the after-tax total as your baseline for good service. Round up and don't leave change. Don't play dumb if you're visiting from a culture where tipping isn't customary.
60. If the bartender, manager or owner comps a portion of your bill or something you ordered, you should still base the tip on the full charge. The same applies when you use a coupon or gift certificate.
61. If there's an open kitchen, oyster shucker or special food prep (garde manger) station behind the bar, tip that person separately, above and beyond the bartender, if they provide great service and hospitality.
62. If you’re pleased with the service and hospitality, track down your bartender before you leave and tell him or her they did a great job. Also, be sure to tell their manager on the way out.
63. If you've been shut off, save face, cut your losses, and get home safely. Don't ask a different bartender or server for a drink. You'll only make matters worse.
64. Don't hang around forever at the end of the night. At the least, pay your bill so the home team can close out their finances. As my old boss, Vinny Dimauro, owner of John B's Café used to say back in 1983, You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Republished with permission from Patrick Maguire of Server not Servant.

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